Let Sunday, October 18, 2020 be known forevermore hereafter as The Great French Fry Fisticuff of 2020. After a conversation the previous week in which we all shared our appreciation, nay, our devotion to French fries, a challenge was issued…who makes the best fries?

And, so, we took it upon ourselves, for science and mankind, to get down and dirty with some spuds. Of course, this could have gotten out of hand quite quickly because everybody and their brother offers French fries to the unassuming public, but we made a valiant effort to narrow down our selection to several fast food restaurants for an equitable duel.

Based on proximity to maximize freshness and fairness, we settled on McDonald’s, Burger King, Arby’s, and Five Guys.

Our judging criteria was as follows:
Taste ranked on a scale from 1-10
Texture ranked on a scale from 1-7
Smell ranked on a scale from 1-5
Appearance ranked on a scale from 1-5

Without getting into the nitty gritty numbers, the results can be summarized as such:
– McDonald’s was unanimously the worst, lacking in every category.
– Two of us ranked Five Guys as the overall winner, but when we averaged out our rankings it slid into second place.

The end results left us in shock and awe. SHOCK & AWE, ladies and gentlemen. We thought we knew our fries.

Before we started our taste test, we held a mini pre-experiment. We arranged one of each fry on a plate and offered it to Brady, the most noble and trustworthy of hounds. It should be noted that he daintily chose the second fry on the plate first. That second fry was from Burger King, which was also our tournament winner! I guess dogs really do know best…

While I will never personally agree that Burger King is better than Five Guys, it was a close second in my ranking, and it was also the least expensive of the bunch which is not to be discounted.

Overall, this was a grand experiment thoroughly enjoyed by its participants. I’m thinking we may need to do this a few more times with different French fry tributes. Then we can have a championship tournament where the winners faceoff. I know it sounds like a hardship, but we all have to make sacrifices for the greater good.