Struggling with Consistency

Depending on how much you pay attention to this blog, you might notice that I struggle with consistency. As far as personal pursuits go, that’s a common echo throughout my life. I’m exceptionally reliable when it comes to doing what others ask of me, but when it comes to what I want to do on my own behalf, I often lose interest, succumb to doubt, or fail to see the value, even if the value is just doing something for fun. I end up rarely fully committing to anything and thoroughly irritating myself. Because I know this about myself, and I’d like to correct the behavior, I’ve set a small goal: Write 400 words every day for a year. Of course, it would be nice if the writing turned into something that builds on itself like a book or something of that nature, but I’ve set no parameters or limitations on the challenge other than to commit to writing 400 words every day.

I started over a month ago and have only missed one day so far because it slipped my mind some busy weekend. I am tracking my progress by labeling each day in succession as Day 1, Day 2 etc. so I’m pressing on despite the missed day. Why 400 words? I can’t quite remember to be honest, but I think I read somewhere that 400 words is about a page so in theory 400 words every day for a year would be a decent length for a book, if in fact the writing tied into itself.

So far the content has been pretty limited to rambling and obsessive thoughts, recaps of what I’m up to, and general rants, wishes and desires. It is nothing worth sharing, but I’m enjoying the exercise in consistency. I’ve been happy to find that the daily duty has not brought me anxiety either. Sometimes when I know I have a task I have to take care of it takes on epic proportions and becomes a burden in my mind. But I’m finding with this, I simply don’t think about it until the next morning when it’s time to bang out my 400 words again. It’s still early days yet with over ten months to go and I hope that eventually I’ll be struck with more intentional writing, but for now it’s enough just to keep showing up. To prove that I can.

As for the blog, I’m not finished here. I just don’t want to post for the sake of posting and lately I haven’t felt like I had anything worth sharing. I’m not trying to impress my meager following by any means, but I do want it to be a meaningful space at least to me and my last few posts did not thrill me. It’ll be a surprise to both of us to see what comes next.

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